Got Milk? Better Yet...Got Wood?

And the answer is yes! I do have wood! So much in fact that I would like to trade some of my wood for some of your wheat, sheep, brick, or ore? If you have no idea where I am going with this I do believe that Klaus Teuber himself would be rolling over in his grave (which would be hard to imagine considering he is still alive and kickin'). My friends, I am speaking of one of the most fantastically fun board games to ever grace the likes of even Ms. Debbie Kim. This game that I am speaking of is Settlers of Catan. Haven't heard of Settlers huh? Ever heard of a little game called RISK? Sure you have! Well, this is still getting us nowhere since Settlers and RISK are about as similar as Nutty Bars and Swiss Cake Rolls. Sure, Settlers and RISK are both board games, just like Nutty Bars and Swiss Cake Rolls are both Little Debbies. However, one seems to be a little bit sweeter than the other. So, consider if you will a Swiss Cake Roll is to Settlers as a Nutty Bar is to RISK. I have come to find that Settlers is just simply better, tastier, and comes with a creamy-filled happy ending. RISK is indeed a great time and a favorite childhood treat, yet it is a lot longer, comes with an unhappy ending, and just down right makes you go nutty.

Back to the subject at hand. Butt Sets! Lost you again? Have no fear, (Butt) Settlers of Catan, like its delectible friend RISK, is a game of strategy and world domination. It was developed in 1995 by Germany's most respected dental technician, Klaus Teuber. Soon after, little to Teuber's knowledge, he would be known to many as the Santa Klaus of Germany; providing hours of endless entertainment to boys and girls, of all ages, all over the world. But one board game was not enough! He eventually got board of settling Catan and decided to add to his repertoire. Enter in Seafarers of Catan, Cities and Knights of Catan, and Catan: Traders & Barbarians. Now, I will not bore you with descriptions of these games, considering I do not know one single thing about any of them. Fortunately, I do know that because of his accomplishments, Germany set aside a week in the month of October (the week after Oktoberfest to be precise), for our beloved Klaus. Klausteuberfest! After a week of boozin', all anyone wants to do is shack up in the deepest, darkest cave possible, away from the lagers, lushes, and lederhosens. What a better time to reminisce about all the crazy times had during Klausteuberfest with a fun-filled game of Settlers. I call dibs on expansion pack green!

Now, for the very few of you who have never experienced a game of Butt Sets, I will give you a crash course on how to play. Again, like RISK, it is a dice game and the object is to obtain resources in order to build roads, settlements, and cities. For instance, to build a settlement, if I have some sheep, wheat, and brick then all I would need is to muster up some wood and I'm good to go. Unfortunately, I do not have wood :( Luckily my friends Pepe, Alan, and Gerard all have massive quantities of wood! This just made me really excited! Now I can trade some of my ore for a fresh piece of wood. "Ore you going to give me some of your wood for some of my ore?" Deal! The trade is complete and a settlement is made. Now it is time to turn this settlement into a city. If you by chance have three ore and two wheat then, take it Beyonce.....
Lemme, lemme upgrade my settlement into a city. Fantastic! You have got the hang of it now. All you have to do now is build an army, a long-ass road, buy some development cards, and victory is yours. So, do yourself a favor. Go out and enjoy a nice, relaxing game of Butt Sets. After one game, you'll be crawling back for more.

Obviously, Settlers of Catan will be receving 5 Eiffel Towers. In fact, I have so much wood that I will build 5 miniature Eiffel Towers. Funny to think, I still have some leftover wood!?

Oh Snap! We are back: 1st Up Tony's Bar

So it has been awhile, have you all missed us? Who am I kidding, no one looks at this blog except us. Well it is summer time and we are free to post some more random critiques of goodness. My first post has to do with where I spent my first night back in the old home town: Tony's Bar. Now for those of you that know me or those that don't I would rather get shanked than go out to Tony's on any given night. The sad thing is there is a good possibility that I could kill two birds with one stone at this bar. The place is usually crowded with a narrow bottleneck that f's everything up, it also is home to at least 27 different strains of herpes ( National Geographic believes there could possibly be up to 130 more yet unidentified). Most of the guys are as Fiddy Sent said "Wangsters" and the girls look like they came straight from the Hunt Club (no offense Guillaume ). Shoot we should have a disease off between Tony's and the Hunt Club.



Well with that being said (insert Larry David here), most of you would guess that this is a scathing review that will award Tony's just one of Paris' landmarks, however I have seen the light and it is shining down on Tony's rooftop patio.

When Pierre Louvre asked to go out Thursday I figured we would hit the usual BARmuda triangle, but when he haymakered me with a "Tony's" I never saw coming, I was hesitant at best. "Oh dude they have a patio now." Great I bet murder capital of the world Juarez, Mexico has ton's of patios, it doesn't mean I am heading down there anytime soon.

We showed up and low and behold I could walk freely through the bar, which was an unexpected surprise. When we arrived up top we found ourselves in a rather nice looking open patio with an Island type bar in the center. The music was playing but not too loud so I could actually hear myself say "Damn Tony's cleans up nicely!" The patio had a more dressy feel to it although very much casual (shorts and t's allowed) the ladies though were looking good and the drinks were cheap as usual. Since it is outside the evening breeze cools off the crowded area and keeps all the dudes in wifebeaters from getting pit stains on their brand new shirt. The clincher: The bathrooms were unbelievably clean and nice. Compared to the downstairs ones which you were scared to piss in let alone take a girl into. The upstairs are fair game.

Tony's has gotten some body work done and it looks good. Kinda Heidi Motangue like, Oh and if I didn't spell her name right thats cause I could give two shits about her or what ever her problems are.









Tony's Before Patio












Tony's After Patio



















Overall I give Tony's Patio four Eiffels and Tony's downstairs two Eiffels (big step up)